All stories are true, and this one even happened.
Dear Crazy Uncle Eddy,
The current status of me phylactery as it were is very much in question. The integrity of said phylactery might not survive another one of me trips back to the island as an elemental escorts me body. Vondra be very worried. TK3 be in the same boat as I am. He attributes his to valiance and saving the life o’others. Mine stems more from the fact that mages be a blight upon us all. Anyways, mages be fookers, and Ziva be a problem. Regretfully, two of Darrow’s ships have not been heard from. We have good reason to suspect that it be due to the evil See Witch Ziva that be sinkin Darrow’s vessels. Since he thinks of all us like his sons Darrow expressed his worry with pacing and the cold sweats. Since Darrow already lost two warships to Solo in exchange for Francis as a captive exchange, our ships were at a premium. We were starting to gain the upper hand in the naval vessal balance in the Caras Shallows. Two more ships resting at the bottom does not bode well for dear Darrow and our cause. Unsure of what we might encounter, I joined Guen and a number of others to investigate the approximate last know location of the lost ships.
I drank one of the smart kids water breathing potion, and tied a rope around my waist. I cannot remember for certain but I think it was Cornelius that joined me armed with potions. In case there be monsters of the deep waiting to bring me to my doom, we worked out an elaborate communication system through rope tugs and such. If the rope grew slack, they reel up the line, and the end be frayed they are all to drink in my honor. I will tug three times if I was hungry, two if they should pull me back with ferocity, and four for a drink. Down to the sea floor I swam armed with fishing spears and knives. Without too much searching I did locate the hull of one of our ships. When inspecting the carapace of the ships I found two good sized holes below water line on both the port and starboard sides of the ship. We learned all we could and then swam back up to the surface to relay my newly found knowledge back to our group.
Before we made it back the surface the our trouble was upon us. Quickly we spread the word to all aboard to protect the hull under the waterline at all costs and to prep materials for fixing hull holes. Our anxiety was not in vain, as before too long, a large mass could be seen moving toward our vessel just under the surface. We opened fire, and attacked all we could. The two monsters looked to be built like manta rays. Unlike manta rays, they two protruding husks to bore through our hull and they began spinning our ship slowly. We were no longer in control of our ship, and we were unable to deter the monsters ingaged controlling our current destiny. If that wasn’t enough, a solid fog rolled in and our visibility dropped to five feet. I sucked down a flying potion, and a blunderbluss poiton expecting the worst. Well, in this case the worst was dargon breath of lightning shocking most of us. I charged the dragon on the stern and other charged a dragon on the bow. The fookin worm kept moving back out of reach into the fog escaping my attacks. The battle seemed to be for naught, as our attacks were never going to ring with success. None other than Ziva presented herself mid deck. Despite my rage, I was able to hold myself back as the See Witch tossed her demands at us like a pile of shit. She howled at us to take the “sight oath” and join her crew or the ship will sink to its watery grave. Luck be damned as it is deal with them now or deal with them later under the command of Ziva, a Keltesarian slave ship appeared on the horizon. Drooling with anticipation, Ziva figured that the Keltesarian haul was worth more than us at the time, so she called off one of her worm minions to join her and deal with the Keltesarians. I wish them both to fookin perish. We took the opportunity to concentrate on the remaining dragon. Eventually we did put a hurting on the beast. Guen was bursting and double bursting, Cornelious was figuring stuff out, and Miree Cylus was “axing it questions”. With the fog and lighting, the whole battle was very surreeal, it was even like Guen was having an out of body experience. With little life left, the beast grabbed the Guen who was close to death and dove into the water. With Channel Vigor, Haste, Fly, Waterbreathing, Enlarge Person, and a Blunderbuss potion all running, I cast aside my hesitations and dove into the water in chase. The foul sea beast clenched his jaw rendering Guen unconscious and released her lifeless body mid descent. I sped past her limp body to slay the beast. Alas I cannot claim to have killed the monster in revenge, instead he died of Natural Causes. On my ascent back to the surface I found guen and swam for the surface. The crew was a bit disheartened because they thought she was going to die as she was unconscious and fading fast. Shame on them to forget the beautiful powers of Hanseath. I called upon Hanseath and the powers of hops and barley. Hanseath smiled upon the Favored Soul, and found her worthy to drink again. As Ziva was engaged with the fookin Keltasarian casters, we knew better than to stick around as spectators. Tonight we drink the sweet nectar of hops and barley in thanks for Hanseath allowing us to escape from Ziva’s grasp.